It’s a new year and I finished the last with a new romance. Before Christmas , he asked me for my number after I clocked out from work . We went out and somehow clicked right away. After the second date where we watched a movie at his place – which is a pretty upscale apartment by the way – we became a couple. Sadly, he left to see his family (pre-planned) for Christmas and was back in time for new year.
So I told him that I take medications for anxiety and PTSD. He didn’t seem to consider that a big deal. He’s a 57-year-old biochemist who works as a VP for operations for a medical supply company . He’s very chill, I can almost swear he’s taking Xanax too. Looking at his Instagram – his last GF seems to have just been last autumn – and this was with a girl who lived in the same apartment as he does.
Why do I not trust this man despite him seemingly honest ? I think after talking about the reason we broke up with our exes, I figured he easily falls out of love . So far he has a list of things he wants to do with me. He slouches a bit and he’s 6’2, balding hair and has a goatee. So, he has issues with impotence which I was quite not surprised about because of his age – and he takes lisinopril whose side effect can be the inability to sustain an erection. Really no big deal with me – my Zoloft keeps my libido as low as can be. I just like his company and he does have a sense of humor.
Right now, I sent him a message and he has this iPhone feature that sends read receipts . He hasn’t read my last text in 20 minutes. Deep inside me, a lot of unhealthy thoughts chime in: is he at the restaurant and flirting with this one manager I have who calls him sugar daddy ? Is it possible that his neighbor ex is with him ? Is he online dating? I’ve definitely lost it. When I got involved with him, I was afraid of these feelings. He says he loves me so much and he’s falling hard for me . AGAIN, that made me think he tells all the girls he dates that anyway …. I can’t seem to accept that men can be really genuinely open and honest with how they feel. I want to trust this man and feel comfortable when he’s not with me. I took a whole Xanax today and I might need another to sleep.
This is what’s going on and I hope I learn to just calm down and take this new romance one day at a time.