D Fib

It’s almost as real as the thought of peeing in bed and waking up with a full bladder.

Last night, I dreamt that I stabbed a man with a ballpoint pen in his torso. In my dream, I was with this group of people when all of a sudden this tall, I’ve-never-met-you-before guy starts to grope me. He unbuckled his belt and for some reason, he had a blue ballpoint pen in his hand (or was that his penis? 😅). The pointed end was pointed in his body and I pushed his hand and ultimately stabbed him on his left torso. I didn’t see him die or even pass out. Maybe I don’t recall that from my dream because the next thing I remember is telling my sister that I stabbed a man and that I will surely go to jail. In my dream, we went to a preliminary hearing and I didn’t have a lawyer. It’s tough trying to remember if I spoke at the hearing at all but I remember clearly that I told my sister that I think I should flee the country instead of going to jail. In my head I thought maybe escaping isn’t really a great idea because I didn’t want to leave the US. We eventually got to talk to a lawyer – one was my own lawyer and he looked like Sean Spicer – and another criminal law specialist who told me and my sister that for what I did, I will most probably be sentenced to 2 years on a “D Fib”. “D Fib??? What do you mean ‘D Fib’ ?” , I asked.

The female lawyer in explained that a “D Fib” is a defibrillator attached on one’s ankle. Believe it or not, I was believing all this in my dream. She said that I will be able to go to work and back home but if I try to go elsewhere, the defibrillator will deliver a shock. I imagined having an ankle bracelet and thought “well that’s not so bad for 2 years compared to being in jail…I guess.”. So I recall lightly that I asked the lady lawyer if she will represent me in court. However, I was still doubtful if I really will get the sentence she told me I will get. I was still hoping that I will not be found guilty at all. An ankle shock device didn’t seem fun.

When I woke up, it was around 2 AM. My bladder was full. I may have passed out last night and forgot to take my Zoloft and Seroquel. So I took both meds and turned on my TV and watched a little Forensic Files until I was sleepy again. I kept looking at the clock on top of my TV to make sure everything was OK at the strike of 3 AM. Hehe, I’m slightly freaked out by 3 in the morning. There have been incidences where some noises and odd things happened consistently at 3 AM back when I was still living in a house.

At around 10 past 3 AM, I turned off Forensic Files as I have surely seen these episodes before. This time, my oldest cat was meowing in the kitchen. I don’t recall having another dream after that. The next time I open my eyes, I thought it was already 1030AM. So I got out of bed and again, my bladder was full. After using the toilet, I look at the clock in my room again and it was barely 9 AM. What a freak show I felt.

An ankle bracelet defibrillator! Ha ! That would be the day.

In reality, I don’t even think I can have the capacity or capability to stab someone. Then again, one never knows unless one is in clear and present danger.

I swear my bladder is full again but I know it’s because of this giant cup of coffee I’ve been gulping since I woke up today. Alright, I should stop complaining about my bladder. It’s a blessing to be able to make urine. It means my kidneys are working.

My dreams though ! It’s not right. I don’t want to have my psychiatrist increase my dose of Seroquel because I’m having nightmares again. The next thing you know, I will be walking like a zombie and licking my lips in front of guests. No bueno.

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