Men

It’s not a surprise why I dreamt about this fireman I was seeing before last night. It was 3 years ago when I first met him and now we remain friends on Facebook. He has a thing for armpits – like he has an armpit fetish. He’s dating an Asian woman right now and they’ve been together roughly 2 years. Randy – his name – still messages me from time to time. He says how much he wishes to be with other women too, but his GF is a really great catch…probably with nice pits to match.

In my dream, they both came to see me. In my dream, he came close to me and his GF didn’t seem to mind. We began telling her stories of how me and him met. How cruel is that ? Also considering that I had both my arms wrapped around him at the same time. Dreams are weird. One time I dreamt about Justin Timberlake … don’t even ask me about it.

This weekend that passed, hurricane IRMA swept throughout the Caribbean and Florida. I was working, meanwhile, and trying to not strain my left hand. I had finally the surgery for the carpal tunnel on my left. The surgery was quick and I don’t remember a thing. The right hand comes next… might be tomorrow if my surgeon agreed.

Back at work, I have 2 male bosses and a new lady manager. Both men have contrasting qualities. The older one (in his 50s) smiles a lot and is friendly to all his staff. He jokes around too. Once I told him he was the best boss ever and he replied with , “Don’t lie to me.” Well I lie all the time (or less than all the time), but he is the best boss I’ve ever had. I think he likes it when I give him a hug. Who wouldn’t ? The other male boss is younger. I’m betting he’s younger than me by 10 years or close. Very unpredictable. It’s almost like he’s a woman in her premenopausal era. Stern yet accommodating, very truthful yet unpredictable. “Is he serious ???” One time I told him that one of our lady guests asked to have the windows closed because she was getting cold. My boss said, “let’s just throw her into the fire then.”. I froze for roughly 2 seconds and walked away. Younger boss is God-fearing and as compassionate as older boss. He’s just not as sociable as older boss. They both ride high-end cars and have both a motorcycle. Older boss is into BMW, younger boss must not be able to afford it yet so he rides Japanese ones. Younger boss has chided me quite plenty of times for not looking ahead. He admitted though that he likes my attitude at work. : ) I gave him a hug and was so thankful he didn’t push me back and say “Don’t touch me!!!”.

What do I do about this other guy ? Back in my old apartment, during the days of misery and endless worries of being homeless, he offered me help by looking for cheap apartments. Cutting the story short, we would rendezvous in an inconspicuous location in the neighborhood and he would take me to an empty apartment. 10-15 minutes later, it’s as if nothing happened. After the first encounter, he wouldn’t stop texting me and asking me if I was available. He was acting like he was running out of gas somewhere and I had to come to his rescue, “I need you!” . After a while, I started making excuses. Eventually I moved to this new place (he found it for me) and the quickies were put to a halt. He still messages me and even told me he’d give me gas money if I went to “visit” him. Aaaaarrrgh! I feel so exploited. I didn’t cave in. I’m still making excuses (like I said, I lie less than all the time) so I wouldn’t need to. I’m so close to telling him that I’m dating someone and having sex with anyone else would be rude. He’s 5 years younger than me who said “I’ve wanted you since the first time I laid eyes on you.” . Not exactly what I want to hear from a gentleman but it’s not the first time.

When I came off Effexor early this year, my libido was on a high roll. I stopped taking it because I would have very vivid nightmares. When my psychiatrist put me on Zoloft, the libido turned into gardening, Twitter, walking my dog, and cleaning my house. It’s quite a fair exchange, I think. Keeps bacterial vaginosis away.

Ew.

Men are men. Y’all will crave for new flavors, like beer. Some can control it and others, the glass of beer just seems to offer itself free-of-charge. I think of ALL (of maybe less than ALL) the men I’ve dated and known. Somehow right now -could be the Zoloft talking- my interest in being with one is at an all-time low. There’re plenty of other matters that I want to give my time to.

Never have I enjoyed lonesomeness up to now.

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