It's not my "blues" really. Although, I was buzzing around my living room at 10 in the morning today, feeling calm thinking I don't work until 4 pm. Then, I thought "hmm, let me make sure…" then saw I was working at 11 am ! Surely, I didn't shower (mind you, I showered last night) and immediately dressed up for work and did my make up for 10 minutes – that's record-breaking. My coffee was brewed but there wasn't any way I can drink it, have my cereal and still make it to work on time. So it was PB&J sandwich in a Ziploc bag and zoom, zoom, zoom.
Being late at work at this point is not what I want to give as an impression. Luckily, traffic has lifted and I got to work 15 minutes early !
Now, despite being depressed and anxious alternately (or sometimes simultaneously), I don't bring that to work. Again, like being tardy, I don't want to be known as the Debbie D. So I acknowledge everyone with a cheerful "Good morning !" and even give some people at work a hug or two. I've been told I'm always cheerful, "how do you do it ?".
An hour after getting into work, Marcy, one of the staff didn't return my greeting like she usually would. She was quietly making roll ups in the corner of the bar where I was polishing glassware. This lady is blonde, a little plump but is mostly cheerful with her high-note voice. Jimmy, then bartender asked her if she wanted to take a reservation for 6 guests today. Eventually, I heard her say "I will do anything to keep me from thinking." I asked her, " How come you don't want to think ? Is everything OK?"
Marcy starts to weep, rolling up the silverware and tells me, "Oh I just have a lot of things in my mind. Men really do certain things that can make you crazy…but I'm afraid that I might lose my best friend." Apparently she's been seeing this man on and off for 8 years.
She told me it's complicated… she teared up and I handed her some napkins used for the bar. Eventually she admits "don't judge me" that the guy she's seeing is married. In my head, I didn't judge her at all and I told her that I'm in no position to judge anyone. "We all make mistakes and I even make my own mistakes up to now."
During the course of the day, I kept her busy with guests here and there. Eventually, I called on her attention when everything simmered down and told her that she has to open her door to other men who deserve her. "You know that your situation will only lead to nowhere, if not a disaster." She said she knew that and have thought about it over and over again. "If you stay in this relationship, you won't be able to give yourself a chance to be happy. You will hurt for a while, but that will eventually be over. It's cliché!"
"Allow yourself to be happy and find and be found."
She listened and I know it didn't heal her right there and then but I told her that I hoped she would feel better. It's known that she won't totally feel well until she has released herself from this burden.
It makes me a bit sad seeing my coworkers hurting – especially when they are crying. My immediate thought is to listen to what they have to say and just pour it out. Often times they really need to say what's in their mind and have someone there just to listen. Thank goodness I didn't forget to take my Xanax despite the fact that I was rushing to work this morning. What would I ever do without my magic pill ?
I may have run into a car or got into an accident. Nonetheless, I made it through the day and now home and in the middle of laundry. This Chinese guy is using the laundry room with me. I was hoping I could have it all to myself as I am also washing my bed sheets today. In the laundry room closest to my apartment, unfortunately there're only 2 washers and 2 dryers.
Wish me luck !