What’s New?

Last weekend, I went through ALL my deleted voicemails and didn't realize there were 3 new messages in my blocked messages section.

The number was the same for all 3 but with no message ID. After listening to the latest one, dated July 3, I remembered who it was. It was this Italian drama king who I met online but never really met in person. I blocked him as he couldn't accept why I wouldn't add him on Facebook. Duh. Now it is dawning to me but 3 days ago, I was having a bit of hard time recalling why I had him blocked.

His message stated that his Dad had a stroke, his last relationship didn't work out and he wondered if I was going to talk to him. Feeling sorry, I called him. I had an hour to spare before leaving for work that afternoon. Let's just say he spoke 90% of the conversation and all that I was left to say was either "yes", "that's right", or "OK.". Oh let's not forget that I also told him that I had to go because I had a party to go to. It was a lie but it was the only way that I could cut this blabbermouth and just hang up. I'm definitely not emotionally ready to get into another relationship and if I was, it wasn't going to be with this man. My back hurt while I spoke with him.

It was such a relief the moment I turned the phone off after saying goodbye to him. He said he wanted to see if I was available next week to meet him for coffee or tea. I do have a feeling that he does not remember why we stopped communicating.

About three months ago or so, I met him online at a dating website. Thinking that he was pretty friendly with the messaging, I gave him my number and we started talking on the phone. After a few days of talking on the phone he asked me if I had Facebook and if I could add him. I told him that since I have not met him in person, and he wasn't necessarily my friend, I won't add him. He took that negatively and sent me messages regarding him being a nice person etc. etc.
I sent him a reply that I'm sure he is what he is saying but the fact that he feels so strongly about me adding him on Facebook and cannot accept that I won't, tells me a lot about him. After that I blocked him so I could no longer receive any messages that will urge me to send a reply.

Geez.

Why am I even mentioning that dude? I only have about 275 friends on my Facebook. 90% of them are either relatives of mine and/or people I used to work with for a long time. The 10% would be acquaintances who I don't really consider as friends but whose feed I like seeing. I did not add my cell phone number and the information on Facebook for the reason that I do not want people to search for me. I also have restrictions to who can add me as a friend there. Some of my friends on Facebook are even restricted. About four or five of them cannot see my daily feeds unless I make it public.

My left shoulder hurts like hell. My hands are hurting again and I've been having dreams again.

Yesterday, I bought a large wind chime for the northwest side of my apartment. I have been reading a lot of Feng Shui regarding wind chimes. The one I bought sounds really nice when the wind blows. The sound is soft and low, not like tinkling or clinking. It's more of "clang" and "tong" . LOL

I really love my new wind chime. In my previous apartment, I had about six wind chimes and I think that may have hurt my chi and brought in lots of negative energy. Moving here, I threw them all away.

Chester Bennington committed suicide last week and I have been listening to Linkin Park a lot after that. I have admired this man's ability to scream and sing at the same time since I was in college. I also "Saw" the movie where he was in back in the day. When they say that men are more successful in committing suicide, I certainly believe it's true. A lot of women who are depressed and are suicidal have the ability to reach out to someone and voice out their emotions in a form of asking for help. Men tend to man up and when they can no longer take it, they take their life and make sure they succeed.

One of my colleagues asked me to join her and a group of other friends in Napa this month. I told her I can't …. it's obviously going to cost a lot of money and I'm not positive it will be worth it. Wine country can be fun if someone else is paying for the wine tasting and the ride.

Lately I've been thinking that I do better being alone. I have adjusted to this kind of life and feel good being around the people I work with when I'm working. When not, I'm good by myself or with my children and my pets. I feel like I cannot get myself involved with new people as I am not ready to explain my life to anyone to check if they can accept me for who I am. My new neighbors are friendly – they would always smile and greet me. I keep to myself and hope my new wind chime will not be an issue.

OK. That's about chapter one. :p

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